Tag Archives: humor

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How I Turned into an 80 year old.

As a young adult I was super active and constantly busy. I had tons of friends that I hung out with every day. When I went to school I was a party girl but still kept my grades up while working 2 jobs and going to cosmetology school at night. So one could say I was an overachiever. I would just say I was young and acted my age. Just a few short years later and I have turned into a golden girl! I actually enjoy my Golden Girl moments!! For example, start telling my friend Erika a story about making bracelets and end up talking about a fire alarm in my elementary school going off while I was going potty and we both look at each other with that “how did this conversation end up here.” We have actually tried to follow the lines of thought and that is even more terrifying!! I find myself saying, “what was I talking about?” far more than, “and that was my point!” I look forward to getting in bed at 8pm and when I go out with friends I secretly feel like a chaperone at prom. I have traded in late nights and shots to cuddling at my best’s house knitting and drinking fancy tea. Yes I have become a hardened 80 year old! The mention of people getting together to knit or crochet makes me giddy. I rush into a room and ask myself “what am I doing here?” Like 5 times! My To Do list has become “Don’t forget to remind Barb to remember to remind me not to forget….” I talk during movies not because I am solely annoying but I don’t know what the heck is going on! I refer to the shows I TiVo as “my shows” or “my soaps.” My friends have often said to me, “You need Life Alert!” Hahaha “No I’m serious.” I crouch down to look at the bottom shelf and I am stuck there until someone helps me up. Yet I still always crouch down to look closer! The funny thing is sure I miss acting my age, aka young, but my illness has taken me on another path that I simply love. It has its ups and downs but God has me serving in a wonderful ministry that no one judges my #80yostatus and has blessed me with amazing friends that help me down stares, hold my bags if we go shopping and ask if I need to be picked up because I can’t drive most the time. My point is….wait what was I talking about? Ahhh well I’m sure it will come back to me a week from now!
Fight on my silent warriors!

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I dreamed a dream, no I didn’t!

imageOh how I dream of sleep! That is if I actually slept so that i could dream pleasant things! Such a simple act that we all do nightly right? I started off a “night owl” then an “all nighter” then an “OMG am I hallucinating?!”

I have three types of insomnia. Leave it to my body to have all the bases covered! I have a hard time falling asleep, difficulty staying asleep, wake frequently while sleeping and have difficulty getting back to sleep once awake. We have all gone without sleep right? College exams, sick all night, bad break up. Well for me it’s every night. I have never in my life slept a solid 8 hours.

Few people actually know real sleep deprivation. It’s not missing a few hours if sleep and needing ten cups of coffee and being grumpy the next day. It’s wanting to tear your eyes out, picturing the cartoon knock out classic move, and in my case hallucinating bats flying in my room and being convinced the sun is evil and trying to come through the fleeces I duck taped over my window. O_o Although the sun is a tricky bugger I hardly think it is interested in me nor bats anywhere besides in my belfry!

I offer no remedies, although I have tried them all!! Just another delightful cherry on top of the craziness that is my brain. I wonder what I would be like after 8 hours of sleep? I picture super woman but maybe just still me without dark circles under my eyes 🙂

When Good things turn Bad

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I had not gotten my hair cut in over a year. Why so long? You ask. Well today I remember why after getting my haircut yesterday. As pain courses up and down my head and neck and keeping me up all night I am cursing my new adorable cut.  It’s painful! As are are massages (I would rather walk on hot coals), getting my nails done (sitting still for an hour is like some strange form of torture), sitting and watching a movie in the theatre (if i don’t get the seat where I can put my feet up I am not a happy camper), and sitting on non-padded chairs (like sitting on a board full of nails)

I have a high threshold for pain which is why most don’t even know I have chronic pain. When I do this “fun-filled” activities I experience fibro-pain. You will often find me changing positions every few minutes. Most think I’m annoyingly fidgety but really I am trying to move, stretch and avoid trigger points. 
There are 18 trigger points [insert boring facts] “Tender points are pain points or localized areas of tenderness around joints, but not the joints themselves. These tender points hurt when pressed with a finger. Tender points are scattered over the neck, back, chest, elbows, hips, buttocks, and knees.”-webmd.com
So you can imagine sitting is generally painful and leaning back into a shampoo bowl aching. Activities I once excitedly luxuriated in now are an acrobatic event of trying to avoid pressure on trigger points. So, no, I am not fidgety, have ants in my pants, impatient or anxious, I am freaking in pain! 
It is hard to explain fibro pain. It can be a combination of a few things. Localized pain is like the pain of a root canal where the pain seemingly shoots from head to your toes. Widespread pain feels like poison coursing through your veins or the deep ache of having the flu. I often experience both at the same time which is why light exercise daily has helped because as you can imagine being in pain isn’t exactly relaxing for your muscles. Tensing of the body leads to more pain like clenching your jaw at night but your whole body. Light exercise helps loosen up your body and lets blood flow and I have found it on most days to help with widespread pain. 
Who knew I would be hanging up my cute cuts and color, mani/pedis, and full body massages for exercise!?!? What a pain in the butt, literally!!!