Tag Archives: Health

I dreamed a dream, no I didn’t!

imageOh how I dream of sleep! That is if I actually slept so that i could dream pleasant things! Such a simple act that we all do nightly right? I started off a “night owl” then an “all nighter” then an “OMG am I hallucinating?!”

I have three types of insomnia. Leave it to my body to have all the bases covered! I have a hard time falling asleep, difficulty staying asleep, wake frequently while sleeping and have difficulty getting back to sleep once awake. We have all gone without sleep right? College exams, sick all night, bad break up. Well for me it’s every night. I have never in my life slept a solid 8 hours.

Few people actually know real sleep deprivation. It’s not missing a few hours if sleep and needing ten cups of coffee and being grumpy the next day. It’s wanting to tear your eyes out, picturing the cartoon knock out classic move, and in my case hallucinating bats flying in my room and being convinced the sun is evil and trying to come through the fleeces I duck taped over my window. O_o Although the sun is a tricky bugger I hardly think it is interested in me nor bats anywhere besides in my belfry!

I offer no remedies, although I have tried them all!! Just another delightful cherry on top of the craziness that is my brain. I wonder what I would be like after 8 hours of sleep? I picture super woman but maybe just still me without dark circles under my eyes 🙂

When Good things turn Bad


I had not gotten my hair cut in over a year. Why so long? You ask. Well today I remember why after getting my haircut yesterday. As pain courses up and down my head and neck and keeping me up all night I am cursing my new adorable cut.  It’s painful! As are are massages (I would rather walk on hot coals), getting my nails done (sitting still for an hour is like some strange form of torture), sitting and watching a movie in the theatre (if i don’t get the seat where I can put my feet up I am not a happy camper), and sitting on non-padded chairs (like sitting on a board full of nails)

I have a high threshold for pain which is why most don’t even know I have chronic pain. When I do this “fun-filled” activities I experience fibro-pain. You will often find me changing positions every few minutes. Most think I’m annoyingly fidgety but really I am trying to move, stretch and avoid trigger points. 
There are 18 trigger points [insert boring facts] “Tender points are pain points or localized areas of tenderness around joints, but not the joints themselves. These tender points hurt when pressed with a finger. Tender points are scattered over the neck, back, chest, elbows, hips, buttocks, and knees.”-webmd.com
So you can imagine sitting is generally painful and leaning back into a shampoo bowl aching. Activities I once excitedly luxuriated in now are an acrobatic event of trying to avoid pressure on trigger points. So, no, I am not fidgety, have ants in my pants, impatient or anxious, I am freaking in pain! 
It is hard to explain fibro pain. It can be a combination of a few things. Localized pain is like the pain of a root canal where the pain seemingly shoots from head to your toes. Widespread pain feels like poison coursing through your veins or the deep ache of having the flu. I often experience both at the same time which is why light exercise daily has helped because as you can imagine being in pain isn’t exactly relaxing for your muscles. Tensing of the body leads to more pain like clenching your jaw at night but your whole body. Light exercise helps loosen up your body and lets blood flow and I have found it on most days to help with widespread pain. 
Who knew I would be hanging up my cute cuts and color, mani/pedis, and full body massages for exercise!?!? What a pain in the butt, literally!!!

Thigh Master you just sit right?

thighmaster-1I have spent days, weeks and even months in bed. Not so funny but what I find hilarious is when someone says to me, “you should exercise!!” No, really?!? I never thought of that! I will get right on that even though I almost faint when I simply stand up. When life is spent horizontally (not talking the mamba here) then exercise becomes extremely difficult. For my vertical friends this is hard to understand. I never thought I would be the person going to the doctor and her noticing muscle loss in my legs.

Lets be clear. I have never been a gym nut. I have had trainers, sporadically done sports but mostly blessed with a slim physique and high metabolism. Walking to and from classes was plenty cardio for me!

I got older and so did the metabolism. After a particular bad infection and being stuck in bed for almost two months I packed on 30lbs.

So this leads to…How does a bedridden, chronically in pain, super fatigued person get “in shape”. My answer….verrrryyy carefullyyyy and with a stubborn attitude! Well the stubborn part is just me. I’m not going to the gym when I can hardly walk to the kitchen each day! I can however modify a low impact light cardio work out to work for me. That program is called Slim In Six! Not to say I didn’t feel like I was gonna die after my first workout. I literally hated Debbie Seiber and her happy little face. I did the best of my ability and listened to my body and came back to it each day. I have a far ways to go but I can hold my arms up longer when worshipping the Lord and in my book that’s better than a string bikini!( though I wouldn’t mind that one day!)

I did however get stuck in my sports bra today! And deal with 5 animals licking and rubbing and pushing and sitting on me all during my workout. I am not an animal hoarder swear!

Time to get real REAL honest about Chronic Pain!

” I just threw up in my mouth!”, “I went to get my drink, fell on my butt and then couldn’t get up.”, “I just pooped isn’t that exciting!?!”, “Could you help me get my shirt off I’m stuck.”, “Do you need us to pull over so you can go potty? No I don’t need to go right now!”, “Could you all pull over I need to go potty….LIKE NOW!!”, “Just one more book. I’m not sleepy yet!, “OMG I’m so tired I can’t get out of bed!”, “Pajamas all day? Why not?”

How I turned into a 5 year old…AGAIN??

Lets get real dealing with chronic pain and illness is not fun but finding the funny in it is the only way I get by! My life changing from “independent go getter” to “in bed stayer” came as a shock to everyone. After two years of testing I went to a Rheumatologist and received my Fibromyalgia diagnosis. I sat shocked in the doctor’s office. What is this Fibromaflingamagig you speak of doc???? Lets just say he was less than helpful and my mother hurried me out of the office before I got irate because in our family we “work the problem.” This was a problem that could not be worked. Myself, nor my family could face that but we had to, right?

After I looked up “Fibromaflingamagig”, I was fully educated about the illness and all of the wonderful things that come along with it. First, it was called Fibromyalgia (who knew!?) and it is mostly known for widespread chronic pain and fatigue. Well, I had those and much, much more! Lucky me right? Migraines, depression, anxiety, insomnia, bladder infections, headaches, severe pain in localized areas, widespread dull pain, dizziness, fainting, GI issues and on and on. So this is where my life as a 20 something continued to decline until I hit 5-year-old status!

I moved in with my parents to help manage….well…everything in my life. I was unable to work anymore so finances were…well…not happening! The cycle of pain hit me full force.

1) Extreme Pain

2) Stay in bed

3) Repeat

It is like a washing machine only with your body. Now where it gets difficult is I am a person not a machine. Going from chit chatting about nonsense on the phone with my parents to being helped to wash myself was a bit of a shocker! My family and I only got through this with humor. No, pain isn’t funny…but life is and you have to find some enjoyment other than Wash, Rinse, Repeat. Can I get an AMEN???

When I get stuck in shirts, constipated for weeks, down in the dumps over the smallest thing, or even my bladder hurting…I share and laugh with family and friends. If I held on to all of these hilarious things, well A) that just wouldn’t be fair…I mean its funny! and B) I would explode and be so lonely.

Find the laughs in life, whether it is potty jokes, trying to work out (SUPER hilarious), or getting through a tough day! Stay strong my chronically hilarious friends! There is a smile break at the end of each ache you just need to find it!