Conceal It, Don’t Feel It

I feel completely lost when my mom is gone. Well, not completely because I have God but let’s stick with being dramatic. I think since my mom, who is my primary caregiver, left for Florida I have been in a panic. Why the fear? My mom is the only person that I do open up to about the true scope of my illness. I think mainly because I am forced to let her know how bad things can get because she does care for me. Sad things is….I still hide things from her even. My mom leaving is giving me an alarming eye opener that I need to share how desperately ill I actually am. How the hell do I start this?! I have amazing and kind friends but there is only so much “sick talk” they can take. I’m scared to tell my friends. I sit her on my blog and my vlog and preach about opening up to loved ones. The truth is I have merely slightly lifted Pandora’s box. It’s better than nothing but I have been a coward. I have said what feels mildly uncomfortable but I have not stepped out of my comfort zone. I need to because it’s not fair on my mom and it’s not fair on my loved ones. It’s not fair on me. Fight on.

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