When It Rains It HURRICANES!!

I am thinking I need to have a scale of where I am at health wise (body and mind). If I had one right now 1-10 (10 being worst ever) I am topping out. It is confusing and troubling for myself and everyone around me. My 9ish flares tend to last a few days then leveling out to a 5 for about 3 weeks a month. But recently I have been topped out for about 4 weeks. I have been plagued with severe pain, constant headaches, several migraines, depression, anxiety, panic attacks etc. I have been at my breaking point I just want to visit my loved ones and be there for them. Instead I am stuck in bed. Why? I have started asking why (never a good thing). This I will never be able to answer I just have to trust that this is a season with a reason and believe my loved ones understand. I have recently lost two medications that were crucial for me to take the edge off pain and to treat my migraines. I never realized how much they allowed me to “suck it up” and get through things. I feel trapped and helpless which is horrifying for me. I’m strong and don’t constantly complain right? Who is this person that is emerging as each day weighs me down even more. Staring out the window and feeling the soft warm breeze and envisioning something my mind wants but my body cannot do as of now. Just breathing and staying on this earth is my job right now.

1 thought on “When It Rains It HURRICANES!!

  1. Trisha

    Sorry to hear you’ve been living in flare for so long. It’s nearly impossible to not wonder why during these times. I always worry that a long flare will become my new normal, but it hasn’t happened, thankfully! I hope you can get your meds or some new meds that can get you through this flare. Take care.

    Reply

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