I am feeling sad tonight. Many things are contributing this but the major things are:
1) I’m awake when everyone else is sleeping.
2) I have let my room get out of control. So. Much. Clutter.
3) I feel caught between two worlds.
Now only one of those things can I slowly concur and that’s number 2. But the others, well, I have discussed number 1 extensively. So I am going to focus on venting about number 3. I want to craft and organize and decorate but why waste my time doing it here so I imagine in my mind what I will do in NC. Which, in the end, gets me absolutely nowhere. So frustrating, so mind numbing, soooooo not easing my OCD impulses. Now why read about my rankings of organizing of things, because it is also a metaphor for my life entirely, especially my relationships. I feel frozen, stagnant or paralyzed with fear, panic and confusion. It is all making me a suck friend which brings me back to why I am sad, lonely and a bad friend. Sigh.