I’m desperately seeking her
But she has been gone
I’m shaking to find him
But it ended all wrong
I’m fixing up myself
But I still remain
I’m searching for them
But none remain

Cascading falls of golden hair
Cannot repair what’s under the makers care
Firey cremation cannot change my state
Not when I meet my maker of fate
Speaking angry words of ill hate
Leads the debate
Of a slippery slope I certainly skate

Cool winds and a fast car
Never can get me far
Not when I’m reaching out for a star
I will never just be par
Instead reaching for self harm
Never setting off an alarm
Perfuming them all with my charm
Careful not to lift sleeves up my arm

Some do not know there is a feeling of lack
It’s not sorrow or pain or a devil on your back
It’s vile and worse and nothing can compare
To the numbness of not having a care
You breathe, you are alive but do you dare
To check a pulse, a vein, the brain I don’t care
It’s my being there that needs a repair

With a simple tear you rush
As the gush turns you to mush you hear the demons hush
And in a second, maybe all comes back in a rush
A few more in your brain packed to crush

This mark is an illusion I know
I have opened my soul and God has had to sew
You can row around the edges of my dark
But not with a cut, burn, bruise or mark
So drive in, watch the feature, come in and park
As I show the story of one lonely soul
Digging deep to feel a heartbeat
Instead of living I wanted some meat
But see things are never quite so neat
I can handle the heat, razor or cheat
I have to be hit over the head and beat
To feel as though I am living, alive with a heartbeat
I don’t think so, no, this can’t be right
I will stand and fight with every ounce of my might

And when I’m lying and too tired or don’t even care
Stripped of my worth and dignity bare
When the last I want to do is share
The only thing left is to be aware
Not knowing if I will catch a stare
But I certainly am on the first step of heaven that starts with a stair

I set down my chain, blade and flame
No one else these marks can claim
Realize I am holding and to blame
I will let Him take my battle
It’s time I get back in the saddle and ride to my sunset
Whether in a car, train or private jet
I think my future will be a safe bet
When God is my safety net

Myself I will face and break the past that I am leaving without a trace
It isn’t a race or how I need to keep pace
I have already removed the lace from my shoes that will track me to a different place
Where God will embrace me with His grace

1 thought on “Poem

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