The problem with friends….Is leaving them, losing them, and making them. All three seem to coincide. If you make them it’s hard dealing with leaving them or losing them. If you lose them it’s harder to make them. And so on. The problem
I am dealing with right now is leaving them. I have lost all my friends but 2 when I started recovery. But through recovery God blessed me with an abundance of quality amazing friends and even a best friend. I have trusted Him in this area of my life, opened up and received. As I pack for a rushed trip to Florida to aid ailing grandparents I am reflecting on all that I leave behind. Some friends I can’t bare to say goodbye to and some I must and will be teary. A friend, Linda, dropped by to pick up a basket she had dropped by when I was ill. I have never had friends that would think of me like that enough to take time out of their day to care for me. I held a brave face, planned an exciting kayak trip for when I got home in 4 months and rushed her out the door to have a good cry. You see the problem with friends is how bloody much you miss them. Being chronically ill I have to go where my care givers go and mine, my parents, live in Florida six months out of the year. When it is a major chunk, 3-4 months, I have to go with them. This is all well and good until I think of the people, friends, I will leave behind. I do love Florida. I have a wonderful church there, an amazing Celebrate Recovery, and my sponsor who I desperately miss. Last year this was much easier to leave and I sit here and ask myself why? Friendships have been strengthened, bonds were forged even deeper than ever, losing friends with the support of others, and lastly but most importantly I found my pain soulmate. My ministry at Celebrate recovery here in a North Carolina is lead by the strongest most caring hard worker I have been blessed to call a friend, Rush. It is also filled with women that I look up to and deeply care about for many reasons but one is they truly know my deepest darkest secrets and still love me. I will be leaving a friend that has stood firmly by me and even cared for me for an entire month whom I completely look up to with awe and amazement, Alicia. She has shown me that there are people that are truly kind hearted to there core and she brings nothing but sunshine and warms my heart. I “lost” a friend that moved away and I look forward to her visits like Christmas morning, Lindsey. Lindsey’s friendship I cherish because she truly works at her friendships. She was the first friend to straight out say,” Em, what is Fibro, I ask because I want to understand so I can be a better friend to you.” I never have to hide anything with her and she makes me laugh like crazy. She accepts who I am and the illness I come with without a second thought. Monica is a friend I don’t see often but I know is always there for me. I often write texts she sends me on my wall for reminders of comfort. “Just keep swimming,” was one she wrote me ages ago that is still up on the chalkboard. Barb and Eddie have become like 2nd parents to me. I cannot even bare to see them before I leave. They would do anything for those they love and I look for there guidance as firmly as my own parents. I trust them with anything and everything. They are the godly example that I look up to and admire. Now…that brings me to my pain soulmate…where to begin. Erika came into my life driven by God straight into my heart. She is the friend that I wish I had had my whole life. She was a missing part that makes me ache to think of being separated from. Our friendship, our bond, is hard to explain really. How do you explain a person that from the minute you meet until now there is never a thought of this person not being in your life. She has blessed my life beyond words. She understands things that others cannot. She also is a courageous chronic pain warrior. She is the one person in this world that to my core makes me not feel alone. God will get me through….and skype 🙂 fight on!!