Balance beam of Pain


There comes a point where you have to choose between being annoying and whiney about every little part of your illness or you smack a smile on your face and rush to the bathroom for tears and water on your face in solitude. Yeah that was a long run on sentence so I’m over it. Anyways you make this decision because you want people to understand the severity of your disease on one hand and on the other you want others to see your strength and blessings shine through even with the pain. Maybe there is a happy medium but I have yet to find it. So which do you choose? I wear a smile and let others my mind is happy, faithful and on fire for God and His blessings. It has landing me in misunderstandings and also people not even knowing I’m sick or how seriously I am sick. I can’t win like dealing with my own junk is enough without making sure others understand right? But we do have to try and make others understand….I have yet to be able to do this. My walls are high, my armor is in place, and I am more than a conquerer! If you can’t be compassionate to someone that suffers silently yet lives their faith out loud then I guess that is on you not me! BOOM! No I kid! I do want to bring understanding and really education. I hope to tackle this issue with God giving me the words and tears. I can never cry in front of others. I keep my emotional pain inside. I want to learn to cry in front of others when appropriate! Geesh having a silent illness is a lot of work *collapses into bed*

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