There is a moment in your life where you have to make a decision.
Am I going to be who I am and accept my self entirely?
Or will I live in shame, confusion, fear and guilt?
I have struggled and fought to achieve the first question but never fully. I still let a little voice whisper insecurities and fear. Though I have muffled and duck taped that voice it was still there. I no longer want to live even with a muffled voice whispering that I am “less than” because I am ill. You are not a good person because of your past. No one will ever love you because your life is too complicated. Why or how have I
come to this realization is a combination of things.
1. My faith is number one. God demolishes all of those voices with unconditional love, unfathomable grace, and unending forgiveness. God, Christ and the bible whichever you want to refer to speaks of all these things and fills me with hope because I am perfectly made and just where I need to be.
2. Every struggle leads to a triumph whether in this life or the next. I have a testimony to share. My past has become my story to share with others. Serving cheerfully and opening up who I am like a flower blooming. Hope is infectious.
3. Celebrate recovery has not only helped me heal from my past but realize I am not alone. Every hurt puts a brick on a wall between us and God. Celebrate a Recovery gives me the tools and ability to demolish that wall. I am coming up on my 1 year chip in recovery and I am proud of myself for the first time.
4. Friends and fellowship have kept my head open. Whether it be a message on here or spending time with my bestfriends, it pulls my head out of gloom into knowing how loved I am. I cherish the moments I receive a message on here or a new friend on Facebook wanting to connect in an authentic way. We are on this earth to be with others, confess to one another and connect at a level that is honest and real.
I like who I am 7 years into this battle with chronic pain and illness. Whether they ever find relief for fibromyalgia and my other illnesses or not I love my life and the simple little things I get to experience and the people by my side. Fight on friends!